Assuming
the zombies are fighting over the girl, the gathered crowd retreats to safety.
Although their assumption is wrong, we can all agree that zombies suck. Actually being a zombie is worse. I’ve been
dead for 20 years and that’s been my only constant. Even my body’s betrayed me,
slowly decaying to an unrecognizable mass of dehydrated flesh and torn muscles.
The
only ray of light for zombies was stolen from me the moment I was turned. The
thing about us that no one knows is that we’re created by vampires. I just
wished there was air still in my lungs, or that my tongue hadn’t rotted away so
I can verbally explain that when a vampire feeds on a human they become a
zombie under the mental control of said vampire. If only the ligaments in my
fingers didn’t shred in clouds of dust years ago, I’d be able to write a note
detailing how a new vampire is made when a zombie is fed the blood of his
creator. Sorry, I don’t mean to be sexist, ‘his or her’ creator.
Unfortunately
for me, the vampire that bit me died before I awoke as a zombie, so I never had
a chance to feed on him and he wasn’t able to establish a mental link over my
mind. So I’ve been stuck in this body that’s unable to eat food that doesn’t
come from humans, with a mind that understands the horror in a person’s face as
a zombie attacks them, or the wails of terror as flesh is being torn from their
still living bodies.
So I
repeat, zombie suck, but I’ve decided to do something about it. I vowed not to
eat any more humans, for the past two years I’ve only fed on other zombies,
even though they turn my stomach, or what’s left of it, causing me to vomit black
ooze.
As a
zombie, I don’t know if I still have sins to be forgiven, but I’ll forever be
cursed to remember the faces of all the people I’ve eaten, and their screams
that would haunt my dreams if I slept. I remember all this despite the fact
that the last time I looked in a mirror, roughly eight years ago, I could see
that my brain had melted into a gray putty littered with maggots. I must assume
that the constant buzzing of flies about my head is similar to what living
humans hear as they slowly go deaf.
But I
digress, it’s that vow that brings us to the here and now. I may have eaten
more than my share of children, they really are the sweetest meat but since my
charge I won’t allow another zombie to do so. I guess in a sense, we did fight
over the girl.
Because
of their inability to think for themselves beyond the hunt for food, zombies
are horrible fighters, rarely even defending themselves from me. In life I
don’t recall being much of a fighter, but no longer needing to worry about the
pain has removed the fear of fighting. I don’t think I’d be able to hold my own
against a vampire, but zombies in small doses are no problem.
Following
an upchuck of black mass that I’ve yet to identify, I depart the scene in a
slow sprint. The crowd re-gathers shortly before the authorities arrive. Upon
their arrival, they quickly cordon off ‘Cliff’ making sure not to come into
contact with the crusty leather that used to be his skin. Not that they could
be infected that way, but I commend their caution of the unknown.
The
general public doesn’t really know about us beyond ‘rumored’ sightings like the
one that just occurred. Vampires are a complete myth in the people’s eyes.
They’re much better at blending in, mostly because they don’t sparkle.
We'll end the intro with that little jab to the Twilight series.
So far you've learned how zombies are made, and why our main character is special, but if you want to learn how his story ends, you'll have to pick up the hard to find New Dawn Fades and read the rest of "Mindless Thoughts", one of two stories in the anthology that were highlighted in the intro to the entire book. The author of the introduction to the book, Joe Schreiber (a Star Wars author), writes about "Mindless Thoughts" that "somewhere in the world, Chuck Palahniuk is nodding in perfect appreciation". High praise from an acclaimed author, referencing one of my favorite authors, about this author you're reading now. If this were any more meta it'd be a movie starring Leonardo Dicaprio.
As always, you can purchase this antho from Amazon or from the AzarRising Mobile Bookstore (still the trunk of my '07 Dodge Stratus)
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